I used to pride myself on being someone who liked order. I got satisfaction in making lists and always having a plan. Everything felt right when it was scheduled. I have learned that perhaps this aspect of my personality is significantly contributing to my current unhappiness. I never liked not knowing where I was going. I never liked being a relationship that was not convenient. I don't like it when I can't seem to adequately plan for things. I have a plan alright. It's just that I can't seem to follow it.

I don't know where I am going and it bothers me. It's like a weight that presses on my chest every waking moment of my day. I wake up in my room, in my parents house and wonder what kind of life am I living. Yes, this is a debbie downer blogpost but it's my blog and you don't have to read it if you don't want to. I am not happy. Everyday I wake up feeling like something is chipping at my soul. I feel so suffocated.