Just a disclaimer to anyone who reads my blog, I'm going to spend probably the next two or three posts flushing some stuff out of my mind. It probably will be the whiny, fatalistic kinds of posts. But right now, I feel like I need this. I need to flush the shit so I can feel lighter and ready to move on.
Lately, I've been feeling really toxic. I managed to nail down the right word this afternoon so I have to rush and blog before my ADD mind forgets and moves on. What started out as negativity has now turned into toxic-ity (is that as word?) and I know something is wrong because I don't feel bad about it. Most people wouldn't classify me as a negative person or even a mean person, and I will have to agree. I might have negative or mean thoughts but I always felt bad about them afterwards. And that is how I gauge whether my negativity is toxic. Apparently now, I just don't care. This is not good.
Why all the negativity? I'm not exactly sure. Perhaps it's because I'm turning 30 and have accomplished nothing I thought I would. I live at home with my parents (they are lovely so I shouldn't complain too much) and I feel like my life is at a constant state of idle. I don't do idle. I'd rather have Miso poop on me than be idle.
Perhaps it's because sometimes I feel so alone even though I have friends. I love all my friends, but everyone is doing so great and moving forward in their lives I just hate to be the debbie downer. But shit, I am down. Real down.
So dear mr. karma god/goddess, I am sorry for hoping that my ex bf's baby looks like a horse (no, not the ex with the same last name. i hope that baby is cute). I am also sorry for wishing that perky chick at the gym falls on her face on the treadmill. Oh, and I'm really for secretly calling at least 20 people a whore or a douche. While I am at it, I'm really sorry for wishing an accidental pregnancy on someone. Now are we even? B/c as much as kid around, being mean really doesn't have any benefits. It just makes you petty and bitter. And unhappy.
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1 comment:
I agree that being mean and upset doesn't help you or anyone around you. At the same time though, we are all entitled to our mean thoughts from time to time. If you don't act on them, no harm. Sometimes we all just need to release the negative energy into the universe, so we have room for some positive energy.
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